On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

Why won't you learn to walk away this time..

Omg! IM UPDATING!

Well I finally figured out why my blog has turned to shit in the past few months, why it's become "this is what i did this weekend" instead of "these are my innermost thoughts." I was planning on saying "but I can't write it here, because that would defeate the whole purpose," but.. now that I'm here, I think I will.

I spent the night at Tiffany's/Xander's on friday, and after we had all gotten up, everbody left at various times for various things, and all that was left was Tiffany and myself. I told her not to complain about certain things in her life, because it was the same or worse for me. I told her how I haven't had a real conversation in over 5 months (though the one with Andrew and the one with Jenny/Gemma/Quinn were close), and she asked my why not.. then the phone rang. She took the call and gave me a minute to think about it.. when she got off I gave quite the response.. it went a little bit like this..

"Michelle and Nandi are extremely interesting people, and I wish I could get to know them more but I know they wouldn't want to because of the way that I act around people which is a defense system that I've created so that I don't become depressed again."

And there you have it, a bit summed up. I've cut myself off from emotion because if I let myself become emotional in any way, I know I'll become depressed again. I avoid subjects in conversations, avoid certain people sometimes, and sometimes situations that would require me to become too deep or emotional because I just can't handle it right now. I think I know why, but.. I'm not ready to admit it yet. Either that or I know that it isn't true. Or if I told you, you'd take it completely wrong.

God.. I just reread that paragraph and I'm such a dumbshit. I'm so emo :'( ... except the fact that I'm not. It just comes off sounding like it. My mind is completely absorbed in my music right now, so that's also probably why it comes off sounding stupid.

Well the point is that I had a nice little talk with Tiffany.. it wasn't a great conversation like i'd hoped, but it was nice. Tiffany's so cool, you should all talk to her more.

God I like making up little fantastical scenarios in my head. It's great for venting on people without actually having them be there.

God (fourth time I've used "god" in my post, heh) dammit... I don't want to be me. Or rather, I want to be me, not the person that I play out. How does Andrew do it? He's totally himself, and he has so many friends and can just be friends with all of them with no problems, he deals with emotion so well, and.. well, he's just so balanced.

(shed be laughing right now, if she knew what I was thinking)

Well damn.. I have to write a letter to my grandmother before I go to bed, and I want to keep writing in here. I'll leave this to remind me to add more/post more later:

I finally died, and it started the whole world living...

Not too eventful of a weekend, but a pretty fun one. Friday I was going to go to the artwalk and hang out with people there, but just as Talon and I were walking there (I had readers theater practice, and Talon's house was closer than Quinn's), Alex's (Wilson) mom drove up and he popped out of the car and asked us if we wanted $20 to play some videogames and eat pizza, so, like the quick thinking men that we were, we said "yes," even though we were going to meet people on the square.

When we got there, Alex explained the deal about his mom working for an advertising agency and having to have kids doing a round-table with her over why we buy certain products, what appeals to us, etc. We also got to play videogames, free pizza, and $20. After we got there, Alex asked us if we could think of any more people that would want to go, and on the way driving over I saw that Gemma's car was in her driveway, so I assumed people were at her house. I gave her cellphone a call and sure enough, Quinn was there. Quinn, Astred, and Jenny came by and we started. Nandi showed up a little bit after, followed by Sam and Sable, Bovard, David, and Chad. Quite the little chindig.. it was pretty fun, and the original 6 got the money. So we were all jolly-good.

We headed over to 2nd street where other people were. After a few minor things not really worth mentioning, we all (except Jenny who ditched us for some person I've never seen) went to Xander's along with new additions Collin and Sara. We didn't really do much, and all eventually went home. We didn't really do much, but I'm guessing that 3 paragraphs would make it seem like a lot happened.

Yesterday was wild and crazy stuff. Corey is doing Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones for his multigenre paper in Hosbond, so he had a part for me in his movie. He picked me up sometime in the afternoon, then we drove to Collin's to get him. He brought along his microphone for the filming, and his camera for wacky hijinks. We got to Corey's and waited for Jed for a while (who was watching... The Brady bunch? Something like that), but eventually we were warned that it would start getting dark soon, so we went out to the locations.

I was playing Steven Spielberg. I was on set of one of the Indy movies and was looking for Harrison to start the scene. We eventually went down to the traintracks to shoot the next scene. We went pretty far down to get away from the noise of the highway (but we had the shotgun mic, so that wasn't really a problem anyway). Just as we were about to start filming, we saw Jed running down the tracks towards us. We filmed some scenes with Harrison not thinking the movie will work out, then Marty McFly (played by Collin - the part had originally been "Jim Edgeton," but we found a red 80s vest in Corey's closet and changed the part) came and showed him what the future would be like if the Indy movies had never been made (the furture scenes yet to be filmed).

Well it was all very exciting. At the beginning of filming, I thought I heard a faroff train whistle, but we never heard anything about it until like 10 minutes later when we heard it coming a lot closer. We all ran off the tracks, but then Corey said he wanted to get a scene where the train was coming and he was lying on the tracks. I was.. not so happy about this, as I was the cameraman for the scene. He layed on the tracks, did the thing, I filmed, then we got the fuck off of the tracks. We stood 20 feet away as Corey filmed the train going by.. hopefully it'll look good finished. Well, it was really cold out, and all of our fingers were freezing off, and I kept wanting to do more takes and angles and such, but.. not everybody was up for that, as.. well, none of our fingers were moving very well. And the camera was probably a bit shaky from my hands shaking the latter half of filming. Overall, I think we got some good footage, funny stuff.

But that was just the beginning. We decided that we wanted to go get food, and.. since Corey's Indy costume looked so good, Collin decided that this was good material for Strange Things For Strangers section of his site. We went to Burger King where nobody recognized Corey as Indy. The guy who probably had no teeth actually mentioned his "cowboy hat" and "cowboy boots," even though he was wearing nothing of the sort. I actually think he was just wearing tennis shoes.


This is a picture of me eating with Indiana Jones.

We wanted to go into the playplace to do a sort of "Indiana Jones and the Playplace of Doom," but Corey was afraid of the people working there getting mad at us, as we were overage, so we left to McDonalds, but just the drivethrough. The people at the window got it. They laughed. We went to Family Video to pretend to order a Jones movie. They didn't smile. But at least the guy got it.


This is the best picture of the costume that Collin put on his site.

We eventually went back to Collin's and watched Chasing Amy and the Clerks cartoons. I went to bed around 2 and slept.

Today I did nothing till 5. I went on a walk with Kelsey who recently had someone close to her pass away. I just was with her for as long as I could be, just listening to her and being with her. Unfortunately, I had to leave at 7 to see a movie with my dad. I normally would have just asked my dad to cancel, but we never do anything together and I think he was needing to do something with me. Now I'm writing in here and wishing there were two mes.. one that could read my book, and one that could memorize Titus lines.


Gar.. my throat has been killing me for a week, and we ran out of anything to drink except water, so I was dying the entire time. God this hurts.