On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

I'm not surprised at all, but really, why should I be? See nothing wrong. So sick and tired...

Joy.

joy (joi) v.
To fill with ecstatic happiness, pleasure, or satisfaction.

sar·casm (särkzm) n.
Cutting or bitter irony.

antonyms for joy:
Sadness, unhappiness

So my mom just told me she wants to move. Not out of state or anything, but.. god dammit. How about having a stable childhood for once? I live in two different homes with different parents, I've lived in 9 different houses in my lifetime, and now, I'll be moving again.

She says money is too tight and that she can't keep up with the house.. big news.. hasn't it been like that for the past 3 years? At least the past year. Well, we're not finding a smaller house, or moving to an apartment or anything.. Instead, we'll be moving in with my grandpa. His house is quite big, far too big for him. It's got 2 bedrooms upstairs, and a bedroom and livingroom downstairs.

I have the option of either living in the [small] bedroom upstairs with my grandpa always 20 ft. away, or downstairs. I would by far pick downstairs, except for the fact that.. the livingroom downstairs and the bedroom are connected and open. So my mom would spend all of her time in the living room, and I would be.. 10 feet away. Hmmm.. sound like another fucking house I live at?

There are many, many issues I have with this situation. First, is the moving part. I like my room. I like my house. I LIKE MY FUCKING HOUSE. For once in my life, I live in somewhere that I like (other than where I grew up), and.. I move out. Sound like every other disapointment in my life? Yes. I moved from one house I hated to a house I hated even more at my dads, so.. that isn't a big deal. But.. I love this house, and.. my grandpas house isn't my home, and I don't think it ever will be.

The second issue I have with it is that it involves living with my grandpa. He's a very kind man, but.. So much that he does gets on my mother's nerves, and by the way she describes it, I know I'll fucking hate it. The man will be unbearable to live with. I love him and all, but.. I don't think I'll be able to live with him. Just the way he.. augh.. I know I can't describe it, but.. the man is completely eccentric in the most annoying ways. I wish I could describe it, but.. urgh..

The third is his dog. I can't stand his dog. It's not a fucking dog. Its some sort of stupid deer.. its completely unaffectionate, an attention whore (almost like a cat :( ), and it's just.. weird. It shits all over everything, it's really old and whines quite loudly whenever it's not within 2 feet of my grandpa, and.. its huge. I.. don't like greyhounds.

Theres just so much.. I.. don't know how to get it out. It's fucking horrible and rediculous, and.. jesus christ, I only had 2 more years here. Don't you think that everything could just be normal for two years? Is that so much to ask?

My mind is already trying to block this out, pretending it will never happen and that nothing was said, that it isn't even a possibility. But.. it most likely won't be happening for another year, and.. theres a chance that it won't happen at all. Not likely though.

I want my life to be normal.. I just want everything to just settle and stay that way until I graduate.



How about some fucking stability in my life for once?