On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

How could it have gotten this far off course?

Well I wasn't planning on posting tonight, until I went back to an earlier post and read the comments. I'm going to post about this, and although she may not be happy about it, I feel justified in doing so, and, really.. it can't hurt anything, because there's nothing to hurt. This was a comment by Erin.

"Leave Lance alone! My Goddess why do you have to bad mouth people so. DO you really think that by putting it on a wedsite it somehow doesn't hurt people's feelings! Fuck you, I'm so tired of it, and you all hate us for some reason. Well fuck we have one more year (and believe me it's against my will) that we have to spend with you. But then don't worry I'm moving as fucking far away from you people here in "stay for a while and we'll make your life shit field". I just don't understand what happened. I remember happiness and love and giddiness, then it became BE this and only this I can't breath, now it's oh you broke up with me so I hate you and I'm going to call you a bitch and then pretend nothings going on when I see you in school. I don't want to talk to you, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to defeat myself and my friends from your shit making energy. Get a fucking life or get off of my fucking cloud."

First of all, I was not badmouthing lance. I simply stated my opinion of what ablilities he believes he has. Weather he has them or not has no bearing on what my opinion is. You can believe what you want to, as can he. But entitle me to the same rights. I was not posting my thoughts on his abilities, but instead was only negative towards Gemma and Jenny for abandoning the rest of the group to go with him. I nowhere in my post said anything bad about Lance, except for the quotations around "reading," implying that I did not believe that he had certain psychic abilities. Nothing negative towards him. I could say the same about any of my friends if they believed they did as well.

I don't know why you think "we" hate you. I don't know who the we is referring to, but for now I'll talk about it coming from me. I honestly do not know where you get the idea. At times I think that, yes, some people such as myself do get fed up with your sometimes condecending tone, or perhaps some of your actions which you may not realize that you are doing. This is no way applies hate. I feel this same way about many of my closest friends. Just because they may have certain undesirable qualities doesn't imply negative feelings towards them. I do not hate anyone in this world, and dislike only several. I like you very much. The same goes for Jessica and Lance. I suppose situations have gone beyond our control, things may have been blown out of proportion or things may have been misunderstood, but I do not want you feeling that I don't like you. For whatever reason. Ever. I want you to know that, in all honesty. I only hope you can believe me.

Saying that you have one more year that you have to spend with us, I realize this most likely stems from the fact that you feel that certain people don't wish for your company. Although you may not be able to see it, you've distanced yourself from them more than the other way around, and I have no doubt that if you wanted to be with them, they would have no objection. If this is the case, I would encourage you to talk to them, or even myself if you feel so inclined. If you have an objection to the way you're being treated, voice it. Nobody wishes any ill upon you, and I can say that with 100% assurance.

In response to the memory of love/giddiness, yes, I think we all remember that and yearn for that time. Things have changed, but that doesn't mean this feeling has to be lost forever. Things may be mended. It is your choice weather or not you will accept them back into your life. If the "be this and only this," is to how I treated you in our relationship, then I am truly sorry. At the time I was not aware, and realized it far too late to make a difference in anything between us, unless a difference can be made now.

But my feelings on being broken up with is far from how you see it. I have no ill feelings. None at all. This could be the farthest thing from my heart. I came to terms with everything to do with our relationship ending months ago. I've been over it for quite a time, and I see you as simply a person who I used to know. There are no lingering feelings from that.

When I referred to you as a bitch, I think I am justified. If you need an explanation, I will give you one. But first I must you must realize this. You have treated me with equal or more disrespect in this aspect. I believe it was you who reffered to me, along with the other guys I hang out with, as "assholes" to Astred. Perhaps you don't think of this as hurtful as "bitch," but I assure you otherwise, in my case at least. This is possibly one of the worst things I myself could be called. It is attacking the personality at the very core. I was extremely hurt by this. But how I reffered to you was not a petty retaliation. No, It was simply attacking what behavior you exibited. You treated myself and others with a lack of respect, and showed no signs of honoring their opinions, only your own. What I observed from you was behavior that I would attribute to a bitch, yes. I feel that I need no further explaination. I'm sorry if this has hurt you, but you must realize how you make others feel as well.

On pretending nothing is going on when you see me in school.. I am simply respecting your wishes. If you would like (as I would), I would talk to you, try to work things out. I thought you wanted to avoid any and all conflict, but if this is not the case, then I would be happy to be involved in a conversation about anything with you, be it negative towards me, or trying to perhaps mend things between us, or at least between you and our mutual friends.

My energy is not meant to be harmful or negative. It serves me how I need it, and I am unaware of any affects it has on others. I would expect one to voice their opinions on this if you felt that it would possibly lead to such a situation that you spoke of.

I have a life. It may not be one which you agree with my actions in, but it is the only one I know, and it is all I can do with myself.

And I was never on your fucking cloud, you never wanted me there.


...I wish you only the best, and hope that one day any conflict between us may be solved. And if there would be any possibility of friendship left in the ruins of the relationship we had, I wish it would surface if you so wished.