On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

Don't let the days go by...

Well for the past.. while.. I've been downloading songs from bands my brother used to listen to when we were younger. It was the first music I ever liked. I actually disliked all forms of music up until about the 6th or 7th grade, and that was thanks to my brother. He actually liked decent music back then (even though some of it is still okay now).. he was into rock and some punk.. stuff like Green Day and Oasis and such.. Well, getting these songs again, and realizing I still know most of the lyrics, or just by looking at the title I can recall the tune, just shows me how much he affected me. Right now I'm listening to Bush, and.. I don't know.. it just feels right.

But nothing else does. I'm not getting enough. Of anything. I know what I need to be happy, but.. it isn't what I want. And maybe thats why I'm struggling with life right now. I'm trying to lead my life in two different directions, and nobody is really making this easy for me. I'm trying to hold on to what I want while still trying to get what I need, and.. it just isn't happening. People are just too.. I don't know.. they're just fucking confusing. I have very basic, simple needs, and.. nobody is doing anything for them.

I just need to get out of this.. I need to move away and I need to start anew.. but I'm worried about my future and what I'm going to do with it. I'm really fucking scared. But I don't know what to do about it so that I'm not completely miserable...

Sometimes I just want to strangle some of my friends. And myself, for that matter. I can't stand myself sometimes. A lot of the time. I don't want the stupid-ass silly "..can I light you on fire?!" part of me, the one that jokes around with Corey when it isn't funny, that does stupid shit with Davey.. I want all of that gone, because it isn't me, but I know if I didn't have that, I would become a shy recluse again.. I would go into hiding from the world.. I just don't want to fake a smile 95% of the time anymore.. guh.. I'm sorry for being me. Do me a favor and don't laugh at my jokes anymore.


God.. I thought all this was over.. just be straightforeward with me. Tell me what you want. Don't fucking play games, if you have something to say to me, just get it out there. Seriously, I want to hear about it, so either you can let it go, I can, or I can fix it. Just don't leave it how it is now, because obviously none of us are happy with it. Just be truthful, no matter what the truth is. This isn't directed to anyone in particular.. so for whatever reason, whatever it is, just get it out there. Tell me. I don't want people lying to me or avoiding me or a subject around me just because they think i'll be uncomfortable with it.

Please.