On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

Alone, Not Lonely

I don't like parties. Jim had a party. Hilarity ensues.

...not really. Well, the party wasn't bad. Actually, I'm sure the party wasn't bad for most people. The biggest reason I don't like parties is that it's a large group of people that wouldn't nescessarily be together with each other normally. This means two different things. First of all, it means people connect with ones they don't normally talk to because the have the opportunity to, and second, it means that people that you wouldn't care to be around are there.

My problem stems off of the first. I have have a few problems.. the first being self confidence. Extremely low. Second is that I just don't work well in social situations where it isn't made up entirely of my friends. I suppose you could say I'm a wallflower at parties and such, but.. I wouldn't, because I hate the term. Third is, I'm fucking lonely. I know it's unfair, but I have a strong desire to feel needed, or at least wanted right now. I don't mean in a relationship or anything, just.. at all.

So.. Jim's party was actually his and some other girl's party. I don't know who the fuck thought that idea up, but.. what the fuck? These two groups get along somehow? Then how is it that none of the people I knew knew the other people? So people I talked to were down to about half, and they were all talking to each other anyway.. a few people came over and had a word or two with me, but nothing real until I secluded myself in the treehouse and Carrie came up with me. We sat and talked a bit.. not about anything significant, but.. I just liked that feeling. Eventually she left for something and said she'd come back. She didn't. So I walked over to the fence to look at the moon, thinking up all these little fantasies of things I wish would come true. But eventually Diana came over.. in fact, she spent a lot of time around me when I just wanted to be alone. Or at least with one of the few people there that I cared to spend time with last night.. Sigh...

Second, what the fuck was with the music? Good Charlotte? New Found Glory? Fucking Evanesence? Wow. Great. Well finally Gemma or someone got their laptop so we listened to some real music for a while.. But people were being too loud for me to enjoy it while looking at the moon, sreaming some idiotic thing about "big booty." That was wonderful.

Is it so hard to tell when people want to be alone? But I didn't want to be entirely.. there were a few people there who I would have liked to just sat down with.

Well, at least the view was nice. Both the scenery around the house, and the "dance floor." Nothing suggestive here, I just mean that visually, it looked really good. The red, blue, and green lights were right behind them, shining out, so all you saw was silhouettes dancing with some features sticking out of the shadows.

Oh, yeah.. the movie Drumline was also on in the basement, so I couldn't seek refuge there, because.. the movie looked like shit when the previews were out, so I had no intention of seeing it. Also, Tyler Peck was being annoying. What else to complain about? Just myself, so I'll leave it.


I'm trying to find out where I recognize the song "Because the Night" by Loreena McKennitt from.. I mean, of course I know the song.. if you downloaded it, you'd probably know the tune and such.. I just have this little nagging feeling at the back of my neck that I heard it in some movie or something.. can anybody be of assistance? Maybe I can ask Hucke on monday.....

...in the springtime of my life.