On Greeting a Stranger on the Street...

:/

Well, I don't really feel like I have much to write about in here, but I do want to write something, so I'll just start rambling and hope it comes out to something good.

I do feel sort of restricted on what I can type here simply because of the people that read it are exactly the people who I wouldn't want to (read: Larry, Bryan, and all you other fuckoffs). I guess I'll just have to turn to my paper journal for all that stuff. But really, thats all that's going around in my head right now, so it does feel very restricting.

I hope this weekend wasn't an indicator of the rest of the year's. I sat around and did nothing for the entire time except on Saturday, Collin and I got bored and decided to go to the square and coffee house and such. We met up with people and it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I could have hoped. But, really, what is these days? But then again, it did save me from some things I didn't want to say (yet). But I'll have to sometime soon. And that's going to suck. I'm just putting off the inevitable, because it's going to be thoroughly unpleasant and I'm going to feel extremely guilty (not that I don't already fro just thinking about it), but something has to happen to take everything out of what it's in right now.

I've been thinking, lately, what I would do to make my life better if I could manipulate people and situations to my will, and I've come out pretty surprised with some of the results, which I don't really feel inclined to write about on here. Because some people actually read this. But it's some stuff I wouldn't have expected. Too bad it's never going to happen :/

See, everything in my life that I want changed right now is sort of related to something I wrote in here ages ago about how things immediately lose their value if you tell somebody about them. I used it in the context of my weight back then, and how if I told people that I wished they had commented on my weight, it immediately becomes void when they do because I told them I wanted it. It doesn't feel genuine anymore. That, I guess, is one thing holding me back from saying the things I (don't) want to say. Because once I admit them, once they happen they'll just be happening becuase I said I wanted them too, not because thats how things would have naturally progressed.

God.. I just want this all to be over with. Skip all the unpleasant stuff and move on to the fun happy times, assuming they actually ever happen. Because, right now, anything could really happen. I see many a path in front of me, but I always, ultimately, see myself becoming what I was, again. But this time with more life experience. And it really doesn't matter, then, does it?

You know what sucks? School sucks. Except for TAG, advanced speech, and composition. Even lunch kinda sucks this year. So far.