LOUIS RICH TURKEY BACON
23.6.03
I'm feeling terribly depressed right now. I normally wouldn't be up right now, but i wanted to write about a dream I just had..
I'ts already fading, but he is what I remember. Erin and I were on pretty good terms and we were speaking and suc. Somewhere in the dream she told me that she was going to kill hersef tomorrow. I tried and I tried but I could do nothing about it. Nobody could. Her parents knew; everyone knew. And she was going to do it. The night before, she invited me to stay the night at her house and watch some made for tv movies that were on. She was going to do it at 6 am the following morning. I tolder her in that case, I'd be up at 5. There was some other stuff I don't remember that well... I tried to explain to her why this was so terrible to me. We were standing outside of Pence school, the entrance facing towards the middle school. She had some sort of butler there. I told her it was because I was an athiest and that I believed there was no sort of afterlife. She was dancing through the field, which was full of flowers and tall grasses, almost a meadow. When I told her this, we had no time to get into a discussion about it because her butler got very angry at me being an athiest and chased after us. Erin's mom pulled up into the parking lot at this point, and I eventually wrestled the butler down and beat him unconscious, or at least into a state where he couldnt move very much, and we got into Erin's mom's car. We drove in silence until we got to some sort of suburbia where she talked about the tv movies.
It was terrible. Very real.. That feeling of inevitability, of helplessness is one of the worst things you can feel. Someone who you love deeply is going to be gone forever. And you have to stand by and watch it happen. I'm going to try to go back to sleep now, but I really doubt thats going to happen. Go ahead and analyze that if you want to evan, but I suspect it just means I'm afraid of losing her, though it's bit too late for that, huh..
Fear/Love spectrum: fear||-------------------|love
I'ts already fading, but he is what I remember. Erin and I were on pretty good terms and we were speaking and suc. Somewhere in the dream she told me that she was going to kill hersef tomorrow. I tried and I tried but I could do nothing about it. Nobody could. Her parents knew; everyone knew. And she was going to do it. The night before, she invited me to stay the night at her house and watch some made for tv movies that were on. She was going to do it at 6 am the following morning. I tolder her in that case, I'd be up at 5. There was some other stuff I don't remember that well... I tried to explain to her why this was so terrible to me. We were standing outside of Pence school, the entrance facing towards the middle school. She had some sort of butler there. I told her it was because I was an athiest and that I believed there was no sort of afterlife. She was dancing through the field, which was full of flowers and tall grasses, almost a meadow. When I told her this, we had no time to get into a discussion about it because her butler got very angry at me being an athiest and chased after us. Erin's mom pulled up into the parking lot at this point, and I eventually wrestled the butler down and beat him unconscious, or at least into a state where he couldnt move very much, and we got into Erin's mom's car. We drove in silence until we got to some sort of suburbia where she talked about the tv movies.
It was terrible. Very real.. That feeling of inevitability, of helplessness is one of the worst things you can feel. Someone who you love deeply is going to be gone forever. And you have to stand by and watch it happen. I'm going to try to go back to sleep now, but I really doubt thats going to happen. Go ahead and analyze that if you want to evan, but I suspect it just means I'm afraid of losing her, though it's bit too late for that, huh..
Fear/Love spectrum: fear||-------------------|love
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